its to the point where its pissing me off.. I want to be over you so bad.. I make myself so busy to stifle any chance of thinking about you, but you still seep in..  

I want to forget you almost as bad as I want you here..

she wanted the photos from december.
It all came rushing back.. how beautiful she was.. how much in love i was... how much i still love her...
how much this hurts

today I...

Watched a home become just a house..
Realized just how little I have...
Watched the girl I loved the most walk out of my life..
Locked myself out of the house... its 26 degrees outside
sat outside for an hour and a half...
discovered the landlord doesn't have his own copy of the keys.
sliced my finger open breaking a window..



So say good-bye to love and hold your head up high

The Format - She Doesn't Get It


All the girls pose the same for pictures
All the boys got the same girls hair.
Well I am bored cause I feel much older,
Look at me as if I got a reason to stare.
But you talk so loud, that it calms me down.
You're crying, "let's make a toast!"

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
Oh, that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it's wrong, but I know your type.

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
I don't care, I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once, it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.

I've read every word you've said,
From a poster of a cat.
Four books look across your sofa,
I thought your coffee table was more clever than that.
It gets worse once we get to her room she stops and she sings "doot do do do do do do do"
I claim "New Religion's" my song,
She doesn't get it,
It's all before she was born.

And you lock your door,
Like I've been here before.
I feel like I've seen a ghost.

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
Oh, that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it's wrong, but I know your type.

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
I don't care I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.
I was the only one who got burned.

Suddenly between sheets and eyelids, I am reminded why I don't do this.
I fall in love far too quickly,
I never want her to forget me.
When you're gone,
Will you call?
Will you write?

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
Oh, that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it's wrong, but I know your type.

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
Oh, that leaves me one more night.
Can I take you home?
I know it's wrong, but I know your type.

She says she's leavin on a Sunday,
I don't care I need to know where to turn.
I tried it once it never caught on,
I was the only one who got burned.
I was the only one who got burned.
I was the only one who got burned.
I was the only one who got burned.

I can"t sleep again... today felt weird and i can't stop thinking about it..
a kiss, a hug..... her voice could always clear my mind..  i never slept so easy before her..
its almost an irony, for as wild as her emotions can run.. she's the only one that  could make me feel so at peace..
i know its because of her.. because every time she's away.. this restless unease, all comes rushing back

another 3 weeks alone. I'm glad for her.. but I wish I had a warning...
I'll go to work in the morning... and by lunch she'll be gone.



Never thought I'd say this.. but I can't wait till christmas

this year's olympics remind me of when nazi germany hosted the olympics

(this song hits too many nerves to count.....)

I was on your porch,
The smoke sank into my skin,
So I came inside to be with you,
We talked all night,
About everything you could imagine,
'Cause come the morning, I'll be gone,
And as our eyes start to close,
I turn to you and I let you know,
That I love you.

Well, my dad was sick,
My mom she cared for him,
Her loving nursed him back to life,
And me, I ran, I couldn't even look at him,
For fear I'd have to say goodbye,
And as I start to leave,
He grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me,
"Whats left to lose? You've done enough,
And if you fail then you fail but not to us,
'Cause these last three years,
I know they have been hard,
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun,
Even if its alone."

So now here I sit,
In a hotel off of Sunset
My thoughts bounce off Sam's guitar,
And thats the way its been,
Ever since we were kids, but now,
Now, we've got something to prove,
And I, I can see their eyes,
Then tell me something, can they see mine?
'Cause whats left to lose?
I've done enough,
And if I fail then I fail but I gave it a shot,
'Cause these last three years I know they have been hard,
But now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun,
Even if it's alone,
(Even if it's alone)
Even if it's alone.

I was on your porch last night,
The smoke, it sank into my skin.

Every day, I'm honestly surprised she still wants to come back.. she's gonna see me at helpless worst and just get annoyed by me. I can't stop thinking about her, when i got the email today saying it might be another 2 months before i see her again, i about lost it... I miss her so much... its just been a shitty as of late. I cut off the tip of my finger...  theres no skin there and the meat is pushing out.. it looks pretty weird... my car broke down.. fixing it wasn't to bad... nothing some super glue, electrical tape, and beer couldn't fix

i'm ready for her to come back

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kate went home today.. and I'm definitaly feeling the void. Everything happened so fast and its definitely scary.. but I wouldn't take any of it back.

Yeah.. I'll be honest. I'm scared. She's so far away back with people who (aside from her dad) don't seem to have her best interest in mind. I can't do anything if she needed me.. Its a rather helpless feeling.. and the fact that I have not idea when she's coming back doesn't help either. I get a feeling its going to be at least a month.. maybe more.. I hope I'm wrong.. i hope i get a call after she goes to florida saying its only gonna be a few days.. but i know better..

I have to do like I always do.. and just endure.. it's never easy but it always seems to work out in the end.

the room is booked and my scepticism and fear is subsided by my excitement and happiness. if feels like we just started talking yesterday.. it might as be. its happened so fast but I've thrown caution to the wind. kyleen "isn't funny, the things we'll do.. the motivation and decisions we make, just for the possibility of love?" seems to be going around a lot lately.. I can't wait

so, i'm finding my job intolerable. there's a girl i've gone stupid for and I can't wait to drive across the state all the way to the home of the king, to meet her. I probably racked up a pretty good phone bill but oh well. I leave in just about a week. but not before going to kc this weekend. and i'm posting this from my new phone

I've spent most the morning reading.. as opposed to actually working..

It seems as of late, that boundaries are always up for questioning. What am I willing to accept? What are my limits? Rachel and I were talking about that last night at Denny's. Could I handle someone I care about going somewhere else for what I can't offer. Could I look at someone I care about without guilt after being with someone else, even with their permission. And vise versa

I'd like to think I'm pretty liberal sexually, just how liberal am I? I honestly don't know. Do I think someone who requires more is a bad person? not at all.

more on this later.

So in December, I was introduced to some people who I never thought I'd meet...
One of which was guitarist for the first band I ever saw in concert.

And last night, I slept in his recording studio... its surreal

I say call a doctor... and she calls a preacher

stressed, yeah thats one word for it... unsatisfied, confined, under appreciated, underpaid, caught in between, lonely, frustrated, burnt out, sick, drowning... those would be a few more.

I can't seem to find my place in this world. You would think by living in so many, i would of figured it out by now.. My passion is photography, and its not happening... I mean I have small gigs that keep my foolish hope alive... but nowhere near the i could get by on this level. More like, I could pay my gas to the gig on this level. Theres just something i'm not getting. some damn button, puzzle piece that i can't fucking find...

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.